Don't You Know Me?

I just finished a book called The Pact by Jodi Picolt which makes you question how well you can really know your kids, especially once they are teenagers and spending more time away from parents than they do with them.  On top of that, someone I have known for years said something that made me want to say, "Don't you know me?"  How well do we know the people we love?  What do I know about these girls I have been raising for two years?  I know the easy stuff anyone who took care of them for a few days would find out:

Emily doesn't like cucumbers, olives, her thumbs in her gloves, and wearing socks and hair clips.
She loves strawberries with ice cream, milk, tomato soup, peanut butter and honey toast, broccoli with parmesan, sitting on the potty with lots of books, looking at photos, coloring, puzzles, pink & aqua, and her dog, Charlie.

Julia doesn't like cheese on her wrap, peanut butter on her toast, her block house getting knocked down, or help washing hands.  She loves tortellini, cucumbers, honey toast, grapes, oranges, building things, taking care of babies or monkeys, reading books, hot air balloons, and doing anything grown ups do.

How do I begin to explain what I know about their hearts? What are just not facts on a page?

I know that Julia wants to be treated like a person and does not like being brushed off as "just being a two year old."  Her emotions are strong, and she wants them taken seriously.  She is quick to forgive and forget and gives out hugs and kisses freely.  When I give her responsibility, she generally runs with it and blossoms when trusted with things you wouldn't normally think a two year old can do.  I often find myself treating her like a "teacher's helper" giving her special little tasks because I know she can do them and will do it well.  She sees her play as very important work and does NOT like being interrupted without warning. If you give her plans respect, she will be much more cooperative.  She sees herself as independent and capable, so she tries most anything with no fear.

I know that Emily has a cheerful heart and usually sees things very positively.  She's content to play and color and just a carefree kid.  However, Emily wants to you to really listen to her.  She has something to say and and wilts a little when she's ignored.  She is aware of others' feelings and will often say, "Emily will wait her turn!" when a new toy comes out and Julia lunges for it.  When Julia is upset, she's known to say, "I am happy, mommy!" because I think she can tell that I am getting stressed out by a tantrum.  She is quick to come up with a solution to "fix" the problem when she goes to time out because for the most part, she just wants everyone to get along and be happy.  She also has a line to which she will not be pushed over.  She still brings Julia things like her monkey or blanket when Julia is genuinely sad to help her feel better.  Compassion is a one of the gifts of her heart.

They are growing up to be such different people.  It's wild to think that this little baby will be different in a third way.  She won't be a mini-Julia or a mini-Emily, but her own little person with her own gifts and quirks.  Right now, I feel like I don't know much at all about her.  I do know that she is more of a mover than her sisters were and doesn't like all the bending over I do in a day.  Also, one night, I was rocking Emily when she was sick and baby sister kicked over and over again right under where Emily's little hand lay on my belly. Maybe that's something.  :)

What I worry about with three girls is the comparisons that happen.  Having a "black sheep" of the family.  I don't want any child to feel like they don't belong because they all do.  I want them all to know they are valued for who they are and the gifts God has given them.  I don't want them to feel that they have a role to fill as "the smart one" or "the musical one" or "the athletic one."  I want them to know that Julia's confidence or Emily's compassion are just as valuable as being a great gymnast, violinist, or getting good grades.  I want them to know that their character defines them, not their talents, activities or the expectations of others.  The only way I know how to do that is to keep working at getting to know them and never stop because I think I already do.

Happy Advent Season!

Click here for the November photos.